Flat

Sunday, November 6, 2011

I’m lying on my bed, looking up on the ceiling then contemplate about random things. It’s either about my past experiences or things I wanna do in the future. And then suddenly “death” came in to my mind randomly, I don’t know how will I entertain “death” because he just popped out of nowhere and my mind start to wander.

Every year, people celebrate the 1st of November on cemeteries. They all visit their loved ones and commemorate all their memories with the dead. But as for me, I haven’t gone to a cemetery or if I did maybe I was just three years old and I can’t even remember it. But as far as my mature mind is concern, I haven’t gone to any cemetery.

Some relatives die, every one in the house go to their wake as soon as their heard the news. They die, I know them, but not emotionally attached to them so I’ll just stay home and wait for my family to come back. Truth is, nobody in our house has been dead. And NO, I’m not wishing there was one.

I’m telling this because I can’t understand the value of death. And people will never understand how it hurts until they finally felt the loss and the emptiness. Especially when death is really unexpected.

And what if I knew that I was going to die, months from now?

It means no Paris, no shopping, no love life, no payday, no fame, no adventure or to make it simple, I will never experience every thing that world has in store for me.

Will I be fearless if I knew I was going to die? Will I take the risk of trying everything before you pass away? or am I just going to lock myself inside my room and cry over the things and have self-pity.

How will the people around me react? Are they going to be nicer? or they’ll just abandon me because after all what’s the sense if I am going to die any way.

Truth is, up to now, I haven’t even experienced half of what a normal people should be. It’s either because I am disgusted to or I’m just afraid to do it.

And with the existence of death, every day I struggle to dare, break free, and be happy. As Rihanna said on “Cheers”, “Life’s too short to be sitting around miserable. And people gonna talk whether you’re doing bad or good.”

The world will never stop spinning even if you’re eyes ran out of tears and even if you’re heart stopped beating.